and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
