I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
