and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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