found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
