you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
