just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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