i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
