you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
