dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
