So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize