By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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