my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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