my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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