Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
