I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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