Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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