Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
