i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
