In the future we'll all be gay
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
