we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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