I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
