some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
