we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
