She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
