we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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