I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
