I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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She needs sedatives and a leash
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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