Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
