im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
