dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
