I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
40s are totally the cure
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dick very happy bro
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
