Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How external is "for external use only"?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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