I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
