Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
