what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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