I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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