Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
