Dude my mom stole all your condoms
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
