she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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