he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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