nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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