She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
