when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
