Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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