True but thats because hes a fetus.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
