Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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