She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
