Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
