This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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