walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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