Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
