I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
