In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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