Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
