they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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