So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
