dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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