I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As shirtless as possible
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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