Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
