just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
