Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You ate ashes out of my bong
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