This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
