1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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