I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize