I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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