Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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