I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
